June 16, 2024

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Prince Charles to Marry His Mother

by Maggie Van Ostrand

Prince Charles to Marry His Mother
by Maggie Van Ostrand

In a startling new development, Prince Charles, heir to the throne of England, has opted to dump Camilla Parker Bowles, his former partner in adultery, to marry Elizabeth II of Great Britain.

Caffimage has learned this is the real reason for the postponement of the wedding, and not because some fool decided to have the original ceremonies on the same day as the funeral of Pope John Paul II, as if the appointments secretary didn't think the Pope would ever die.

What, the Pope should've held off because some guy who everybody thinks should be crowned, but not in a traditional way, decided to get hitched to some gray-haired blonde who can't even afford a decent corset? Or might it be because her recent ex-husband won't pay the alimony and stated publicly, "A mere piece of paper does not a divorce make, nor a death in a car crash bring freedom from princely responsibilities." Way to go, Andy!

It has also been discovered by Caffimage's imbedded reporter that the new royal plan will eliminate media questioning when tape recorded phone conversations between the newlyweds reveal the honesty of the words "Oh, Mummy, it was always you I wanted" when murmured by the Prince of Wales, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Earl of Chester, Lord of the Isles and Great Steward of Scotland, who are all the same guy.

Camilla Parker-Bowles, in an effort to be loved by the people of Great Britain and its near-flung empire, snorted, "No, I really do not wish to be addressed as Princess of Wales for that was our own dear and thin Diana's title. I would instead decree myself the title of Duchess of Cornwales, or even Consorting Princess. Or perhaps Queen, which does indeed have a pleasant ring to it."

In that unhappy event, the Queen herself, that is, Elizabeth Windsor, would then have been demoted to Mrs. Rex.

"With the marriage of Prince Charles to his mother, the matter of titles will not enter the picture," stated a representative of Parliament who chooses to remain anonymous. "Charles' wife will continue to be referred to as The Queen, Mrs. parker-bowles will become merely, "the ex-and-forever-lower-case mrs. parker-bowles, and Charles will be theretofore known as the Crown's Ambassador to Bermuda, as was his uncle before him," announced the MP.

All the people in the UK who had purchased a copy of the ex-mrs. parker-bowles' platinum and diamond engagement ring, the original of which formerly rested upon the truly Royal Finger of the late Queen Mother, are now lining up to get their money back or exchange the ring for a plate with a picture of the late Queen Mother with eyes that follow you.

It is said that, if the loyal people of England listen very hard, they will recognize the sound they hear as not the wind, but the soft laughter of Diana, Princess of Wales.


©2013 Maggie Van Ostrand, all rights reserved.