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Published Works |
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| Maggie Van Ostrand's columns and articles cover more topics than Washington has lobbyists. Each is listed below, with a descriptive blurb. We don't know what a blurb is, but Maggie thinks they may be useful here. |
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Sex Hijinks Down on the Farm
17 U.S. states have no law against bestiality. One of them is Washington, where a man died there last month in Enumclaw after having sex with a horse. Who's the mayor, Seabiscuit?
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Terrorists in Bras
Never mind making a terrorist suspect wear a thong on his head to make him talk, let's get back to basics. Let's put him in the Iron Maiden.
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The Secrets to Appearing Rich
You don't have to BE rich to live like you are.
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Weirdo Fathers of the Year
Michael and Benjamin and Angelina, Oh My!
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What's in a Name? Plenty.
The way to a man's heart may be through his stomach, but the way to a woman's is through her ears.
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Barbara Walters Does Cleopatra
The venerable Barbara Walters has consented to conduct her first post-semi-retirement interview at the request of Cleopatra. "Diane Sawyer wanted me," said the elusive Egyptian Queen, "but without her husband, Mike Nichols, directing, she's nothing."
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Man Stores
I don't want to be a man. I don't want to dress like one, eat like one, or think like one.
And I certainly don't want to shop like one.
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The Pig Book
We make celebrities out of special pigs like Babe, Piglet, Porky and Petunia, the Three Little Pigs and Miss Piggy. But what about the loathsome ones listed in "The Congressional Pig Book," by Citizens Against Government Waste (CAGW). They call it "the little pink book Washingon doesn't want you to read."
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Mom versus Ursus
Ursus Americana sounds like somebody who won on American Idol, or somebody trying to outUma Uma Thurman. But no, it's the swanky name for the California Black Bear. And spring is his dinner time.
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Prince Charles to Marry His Mother
In a startling new development, Prince Charles, heir to the throne of England, has opted to dump Camilla Parker Bowles, his former partner in adultery, to marry Elizabeth I of Great Britain.
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